Get Rid of Self-Rejection: The Silent Saboteur Of Your Success

Self-rejection is a powerful force that can hold you back from living your best life and pursuing your dreams. It can be challenging to break free from its grip, but with the right mindset and tools, it is possible.

In this post, we will delve into the root causes, symptoms, and forms of self-rejection to help you get rid of self-rejection, the silent saboteur of your success. We will also explore its effects on your life and provide practical techniques to overcome them. By the end of this post, you will have a greater understanding of self-rejection and the tools to start your journey towards self-acceptance, happiness and success.

What is Self-Rejection?

Self-rejection is a complex issue that can impact various aspects of your life, including your personal relationships, career success, and overall health and well-being. It is characterised by a pattern of denying or rejecting aspects of yourself that you believe are undesirable or unworthy. This type of behaviour can lead to negative consequences, such as low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, and feelings of inadequacy. In the long term, self-rejection can manifest as physical and mental health issues as well as difficulty forming meaningful connections with others. It is therefore essential to identify and address self-rejection in order to improve your overall quality of life.

Causes of Self-Rejection

Self-rejection can have a variety of causes. Internal negative thoughts, unrealistic expectations, failure fear, unfulfilled needs, and low self-esteem are all common causes of feeling rejected by oneself.

Negative thoughts are a powerful source of self-rejection. You are often your own worst critic, and your thought patterns become habituated over time. It is easy to spiral into negative self-talk, and this habit often leads to feelings of self-rejection.

Unrealistic expectations can also lead to self-rejection. You often set impossible standards for yourself, and when you fail to meet them, you experience a profound sense of rejection. This can be especially true when you compare yourself to others and feel like you do not measure up.

Fear of failure is a major contributor to self-rejection. When you are scared to take risks and try something new, you are, in essence, rejecting yourself and your own potential. The fear of failure can be paralysing and is a major cause of self-rejection.

Unfulfilled needs can also lead to self-rejection. When you are not getting your needs met, you may turn inward and reject yourself for not having what you want. This can manifest as feeling inadequate or undeserving.

Low self-esteem is often the root cause of self-rejection. When you have a poor image of yourself, you can be overly critical and reject yourself at every turn. This low self-esteem can be the result of past hurtful experiences or even a lack of positive self-image.

Unfortunately, these causes of self-rejection can be a vicious cycle. Negative thoughts and feelings can lead to unfulfilled needs, fear of failure, and unrealistic expectations. Unfulfilled needs, fear of failure, and unrealistic expectations can lead to negative thoughts and feelings. This cycle can be hard to break and requires dedication and hard work to overcome.

Symptoms of Self-Rejection

Self-rejection can manifest itself in different ways, depending on your frame of reference. Some of the most common symptoms of self-rejection include avoiding social situations, criticising and judging oneself, self-sabotaging behaviours, and feeling worthless.

Avoiding Social Situations

One of the most common symptoms of self-rejection is the avoidance of social situations. This can come in the form of not wanting to attend social events, not wanting to meet new people, or just not wanting to leave the house. You might feel that you’re not good enough to fit in or that others don’t accept you. You might also feel like you have nothing to offer and that your presence isn’t important.

Criticising and Judging Yourself

When you struggle with self-rejection, you often struggle with self-criticism and self-judgment. You might feel like you are never good enough, that you are not smart enough, or that you are not capable of achieving anything. You might judge yourself harshly and compare yourself to others in an attempt to prove how inadequate you are.


Another symptom of self-rejection is the tendency to engage in self-sabotaging behaviours. This includes procrastination, avoidance of challenges and tasks, or engaging in destructive behaviours such as substance abuse or other addictions. All these behaviours stem from your lack of belief in yourself  and your perceived unworthiness.

Feeling Worthless

People struggling with self-rejection also tend to feel worthless. You might feel like you don’t matter and that your opinions aren’t valid. You might also feel like you have nothing to offer and that no one cares about you. You might feel like a burden and believe that your presence isn’t necessary.

Forms Of Self-Rejection

Self-rejection can take many forms, and the signs of self-rejection often go unnoticed or ignored. Unhealthy comparison to others is a common form of self-rejection. Constantly comparing yourself to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and inferiority and cause one to feel as though they are not enough. This can lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity and take a toll on your self-esteem.

Another form of self-rejection is always seeking approval from others. This can manifest in many ways, such as by constantly asking for validation from others or trying to please everyone around you. This can lead to feelings of dependency and cause you to lose sight of your own needs and desires.

Another form of self-rejection is the denial of personal needs. This can manifest as denying yourself basic needs such as rest and leisure or turning down opportunities that come your way. This kind of self-rejection can lead to feelings of resentment and impede your personal growth.

Constantly blaming yourself for mistakes and shortcomings is another form of self-rejection. This can lead to feelings of guilt and low self-esteem, which can then further compound the negative feelings and cause further self-rejection.

Lastly, unhealthy perfectionism is another form of self-rejection. Setting unrealistic goals and striving for perfection can lead to frustration, burnout, and negative impacts on both your mental and physical health.

What Does Constant Self-Rejection Do To A Person?

Constant self-rejection can have many long-term consequences. The following are some of the more common effects of constant self-rejection.


One of the most common effects of self-rejection is disconnection from oneself. When you reject parts of yourself, you are essentially saying that you are not good enough, that you are not worthy. This creates a disconnection from your true self and can lead to feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and confusion. You may also struggle with making decisions and connecting authentically with others as you try to hide your true self. It becomes difficult to know what you really want and what truly matters to you.

The disconnection can also manifest physically, leading to physical discomfort and illness. It is important to know the signs of self-rejection and work on accepting yourself fully, flaws and all. By doing so, you can begin to connect with yourself on a deeper level and live a more fulfilling life. This is usually due to your negative thoughts and feelings of worthlessness. When you reject yourself, you start to lose your sense of identity and self-worth. You begin to feel that you don’t belong in any group and that you’re not good enough. This can make it difficult for you to build relationships with others, as you struggle to connect with yourself.

Loss of Confidence

Self-rejection can also lead to a loss of confidence. This is due to your feelings of worthlessness and your internalised beliefs that you’re not good enough. As a result, you  may start to doubt your abilities and avoid taking risks. You may begin to feel like you’re not capable of achieving your goals or being successful in any area of your life.

Chronic Anxiety

When you constantly reject and criticise yourself, it can contribute to feelings of chronic anxiety. This is because the negative self-talk and internal criticism can create a continuous cycle of fear and self-doubt. You may feel like you are not good enough, unworthy, or incapable of meeting your own standards. This negative self-talk can cause physical symptoms such as heart palpitations, sweaty palms, and stomach aches.

Chronic anxiety can also lead to avoidant behaviour, as you may try to distance yourself from situations that trigger your anxiety. Unfortunately, this only reinforces the belief that you are inadequate or unable to cope with challenges.

The good news is that it is possible to break this cycle of self-rejection and anxiety.

Seeking support from a professional, practicing self-compassion, and shifting your focus to self-growth and learning can help you build a more positive mindset and reduce anxiety over time.  This is due to your constant fear of failure, as you’re constantly worrying about not being good enough. This can lead to a heightened state of anxiety and worry, and it can even lead to panic attacks.

Depressive Episodes

 Self-rejection can lead to depressive episodes since it creates a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions. You may feel hopeless, worthless, and unable to do anything right. Depression can occur when these negative thoughts and emotions persist for a long time, leading to a decrease in motivation, energy, and interest in activities that used to bring joy. Moreover, self-rejection can contribute to a lack of self-care, leading to deteriorating physical health. It is thus essential to address self-rejection before it progresses to depression by seeking professional help, changing negative self-talk, engaging in positive self-care habits, and practicing self-acceptance.

Addressing self-rejection can lead to improved mental health, increased self-worth and self-love, and a better quality of life. This is due to your feelings of worthlessness and your inability to find success in any area of your life. As a result, you may begin to feel overwhelmed and hopeless. This can lead to a lack of motivation and a decrease in energy, as well as other symptoms of depression.

Self-Destructive Behaviours

Finally, self-rejection can also lead to self-destructive behaviours. When you reject yourself, you tend to experience strong negative emotions like shame, guilt and worthlessness. This can further lead you into self-destructive behaviour like substance abuse, addiction, extreme dieting, and self-harm. 

People who are constantly criticising themselves often find themselves trapped in self-deprecating thoughts, which can spiral down to harmful activities that numb the unpleasant emotions. Self-rejection can create a vicious cycle, with negative beliefs about yourself leading to self-sabotaging actions, making you believe even more in your own unworthiness.

These behaviours can put your mental and physical health in peril and disrupt your relationships with others. To avoid this, it’s important to learn to identify and challenge negative self-talk and practice self-compassion (see the mindset techniques below). Accepting yourself, including your flaws and shortcomings, and focusing on your strengths and abilities can lead to healthier self-esteem and more positive behaviours.  

You may begin to engage in behaviours such as substance abuse, self-harm, or reckless activities in order to cope with your feelings. This can be especially dangerous, as it can lead to long-term negative consequences for your life.

Stop Sabotaging: How Long Does it Take to Get Over Self-Rejection?

Did you know that self-sabotage happens when you reject yourself?  How long does it take to get over self-rejection? The amount of time it takes to get over self-rejection varies from person to person. It depends on how willing you are to make the necessary changes to your life and mindset. It can take months or even years to make lasting changes. However, with patience and dedication, it is possible to overcome self-rejection and reach a place of self-acceptance.

The first step in overcoming self-rejection is to develop self-awareness. This means taking the time to get to know yourself better and understanding the root cause of your self-rejection. Knowing the reasons why you feel rejected can help you identify what needs to be changed.

Once you have identified the root cause of your self-rejection, the next step is to establish healthy boundaries. Setting boundaries with yourself and others will help you be more assertive and protect yourself from situations that could trigger self-rejection.

Once you have set healthy boundaries, it’s time to start making positive changes in your life. Focus on building a more positive outlook and developing coping strategies for dealing with difficult situations and negative thoughts.

Seeking professional help is also recommended for those who struggle with self-rejection. Professional help can provide guidance and support to overcome your self-rejection. A therapist or counselor can also help you better understand the underlying causes of your self-rejection as well as develop strategies for dealing with it.

Get Rid Of Self-Rejection: Some Mindset Techniques

While self-rejection can be difficult to overcome, it is possible with a combination of self-awareness, self-compassion, and techniques designed to challenge and change negative thinking patterns. Here are some techniques that can help you get rid of self-rejection:

1. Challenge Your Negative Self-Talk

The first step to getting rid of self-rejection is to question what you say to yourself when you’re being negative. Negative self-talk is that inner voice that could cause emotional pain and is your worst enemy  because it affects your thoughts and actions. Negative self-talk can manifest in different ways, like thinking the worst or making a big deal out of a small thing. It’s important to question these ideas and rethink them in a positive and helpful way.

One way to do this is with the “ABC” method. The ABC technique is a way to figure out what is happening, what negative thoughts and feelings are connected to it, and how to challenge those ideas. The A is the event or situation that sets off the cycle, the B is the beliefs and thoughts that go along with it, and the C is the results or emotional responses that go along with the beliefs and thoughts.

For example, if you have to present a speech, the presentation itself can be the activating event. Your thoughts and beliefs about it might be based on self-doubt and fear of failing. If you believe and think these things, you might feel anxious and afraid.

By being aware of these thoughts and beliefs, you can question them and replace them with ones that are more helpful and realistic. Instead of worrying about self-doubt, you can think about the skills and training you already have. Instead of being afraid of failing, you can think about the chance of succeeding. This can help you feel less anxious and fearful and more sure of yourself.

It is also important to be aware of any unhelpful or irrational views you may have and to question them. Unhelpful ideas are ones that make you think and feel badly and keep you from reaching your goals. Beliefs that are not based on truth or facts are irrational. “I have to be perfect” and “If I don’t succeed, I’m a failure” are not helpful or logical beliefs. By questioning these ideas, you can start to replace them with ones that are more helpful and true.

Lastly, it’s important to pay attention to how you talk to yourself and what kinds of ideas and feelings you have. You can do this by practicing awareness meditation and noticing when your thoughts and feelings are bothersome or bad. If you pay attention to how you talk to yourself, you can start to notice patterns and replace unhelpful thoughts and feelings with ones that are more useful.

woman showing self love

2. Developing a Growth Mindset for Overcoming Self-Rejection

The first step in overcoming self-rejection is to develop a growth mindset. A growth mindset is a way of thinking that believes in self-improvement and challenges negative beliefs you have about yourself. It is an approach to life that encourages you to set goals and strive for improvement. It is an attitude that allows you to embrace your mistakes, learn from them, and continue to grow.

Having a growth mindset can help us let go of self-rejection. It allows you to accept your flaws, challenge your negative beliefs, and view our failures as learning opportunities. It encourages you to focus on the positives and strive for self-improvement.

To develop a growth mindset, you need to become more aware of your negative beliefs and challenge them. Ask yourself, “What is the evidence that supports this belief? Is there any evidence that disproves this belief? What can I do to change this belief?” By challenging these beliefs, you can begin to let go of them and start to view yourself in a more positive light.

3. Focus on Your Strengths

It’s easy to get bogged down in the negative aspects of self-rejection, but it’s essential to take time to identify and appreciate your personal strengths. When you’re feeling down and out, it can be difficult to control your thoughts and focus on the positives. But by taking a few moments to identify areas of growth and achievement, you can shift your mindset to a more positive place.

When looking for your strengths, it’s important to be honest with yourself. Acknowledge the areas in which you have made the most improvement since struggling with self-rejection, and the areas where you have had successes in the past. Try to take a step back and look at your personal journey objectively. What have been your greatest accomplishments and skills? Is there something new that you’ve developed in the last few months that you want to focus on?

Self-reflection and meditation can also be helpful in finding your strengths. Taking time to explore your thoughts and feelings can help you uncover the goodness that lies within. By becoming aware of your positive qualities, you can begin to build a new and improved version of yourself.

It’s also important to remember that strength comes in many forms. You may feel stronger when you’re being creative, like painting or writing stories. Or, you may find more strength when you’re working with others, such as by participating in a group activity or volunteering.

When you’re having a difficult time, it’s helpful to reach out to family and friends for support and understanding. They can help remind you of the strengths you may have forgotten about. Having someone who believes in you and encourages you can be a powerful tool in helping to combat the negative self-talk that comes with self-rejection.

Finally, don’t forget to practice self-care. Taking time to pamper yourself, such as by getting a massage, going for a walk, or getting enough sleep, can help boost your self-confidence and help you focus on your inner strengths.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is essential for overcoming self-rejection. It is the practice of being kind and gentle to oneself, even in times of hardship. Practicing self-compassion helps break the cycle of self-rejection and replace it with self-love. It is a powerful tool that can help shift your mindset and build your inner resilience.

Self-compassion is a powerful practice that involves appreciating our shared humanity. It requires you to accept that we are all imperfect and that your struggles are not unique or special. We all make mistakes and experience pain. Practicing self-compassion means showing kindness to yourself and offering the same care and support that we so readily give to others. By embracing self-compassion, you can cultivate a greater sense of empathy, understanding, and acceptance towards yourself and others.

Self-compassion can take many forms. There are many simple self-care activities that can be practiced to show yourself some compassion. This could include simple things like taking a hot bath, going for a walk, or spending time in nature. It is also important to give yourself permission to take time off and rest if needed. Taking time off to relax and rejuvenate can help reduce stress and anxiety and give you the emotional strength to tackle your problems.

It is also important to practice mindful self-awareness. This involves taking time to be still and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. It is important to try to accept these thoughts and feelings as they come and not attach any negative judgment to them. Be mindful of the language you use when you talk to yourself, and try to use kind and encouraging words.

Emotional regulation is a key component of self-compassion. This involves taking time to pause and identify your emotions when you feel overwhelmed or stressed and finding positive ways to manage them. This could include activities like deep breathing, yoga, or journaling. Taking time to process and express your feelings can help create a greater sense of understanding and self-acceptance.

Lastly, it is important to practice self-forgiveness. We all make mistakes, and it is important to let go of any harsh judgments and criticism. Accepting your mistakes and giving yourself permission to move on is essential for overcoming self-rejection. It is important to know that no one is perfect, and self-forgiveness is an essential part of self-compassion.


Self-rejection can be a silent saboteur of your success and can be difficult to overcome. With the right mindset and techniques, however, it is possible to get rid of self-rejection. Challenging your negative self-talk, developing a growth mindset, focusing on your strengths, and practicing self-compassion are all important steps to take in order to get rid of self-rejection. It is also important to understand the root cause of self-rejection, identify the symptoms and forms of this habit, and be aware of its effects. Each person’s journey to getting rid of self-rejection is unique, and it is important to take the necessary steps and seek professional help if needed. With sustained effort, you can overcome self-rejection and reclaim your self-worth and success.

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