Ways To Overcome Perfectionism: A Walk-Through

Emily | Posted on June 8, 2024 |

Do you find yourself trapped in a cycle of negative self-criticism in which every mistake is magnified and every accomplishment is undervalued? You are not alone. Many struggle with perfectionism with impossible standards, resulting in anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy. People who are perfectionists are under constant pressure to be perfect. In this post, we’ll walk you through ways to overcome perfectionism, which is rooted in self-criticism.

How Self-Criticism Holds You Back

Many of us carry the crushing weight of perfection without realising it. We’ve all heard that inner voice say, “You’re not good enough.” “You’re not doing it right,” or “You’re a failure.”

The voice in your head is self-criticism, a negative way of thinking that can prevent you from achieving your goals, following your dreams, and living a fulfilling life. When you constantly think negatively about yourself, every mistake, flaw, and setback makes you unhappy and stresses you out.

Perfectionism leads to procrastination because you are afraid of not meeting your own high expectations. As a result, you delay, hesitate, and question yourself at every turn.

Perfectionism is actually too heavy, making it difficult to take risks, make decisions, and move forward with confidence.

It’s a heavy load that can make you feel inadequate, low on self-esteem, and unhappy. It’s not just bad for your emotions, either.

Trying to be perfect can prevent you from being creative, growing, and realising your full potential. When you understand how heavy perfection is and how it holds you back, you can begin to break free from self-criticism and make progress towards your freedom.

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Understanding the Roots of Self-Criticism

Understanding the underlying causes of self-criticism is a critical step towards breaking free from its grip. It is crucial to understand that self-criticism frequently results from a complex interplay of factors that deeply ingrain your thought patterns. Childhood experiences, societal pressures, and personal expectations are all possible factors.

For some, self-criticism may have served as a coping mechanism, motivating them to achieve more or avoiding feelings of inadequacy. However, over time, this self-criticism can develop into a constant, nagging voice that undermines confidence, fuels anxiety, and stifles creativity.

Take a step back and reflect on your personal history to find out what’s causing your self-criticism. Consider the following questions:

What messages about my worth and abilities did my carers, teachers, or peers convey to me?
Were there any significant events or experiences that made me think I wasn’t good enough?
How did I internalise these messages, and how do they continue to shape my self-perception?

Exploring these questions will help you identify the underlying patterns and beliefs that motivate your self-criticism. This awareness is the first step towards breaking the cycle of self-doubt and developing a more compassionate, empowering relationship with yourself.

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The Dangers of All-or-Nothing Thinking

The all-or-nothing mentality is a toxic trap that many self-critics fall into. It’s a mentality that says, “If it’s not perfect, it’s worthless.” This way of thinking can result in a never-ending cycle of self-doubt, anxiety, and procrastination. You see, when you set unrealistically high standards for yourself, anything less than complete perfection is considered failure.

This means that even minor errors or imperfections can have catastrophic consequences in your mind. The fear of failing to meet these expectations can be so overwhelming that you refrain from taking action entirely. You may find yourself paralysed, unable to move forward due to your fear of not doing it “just right.”

But perfection is an unattainable myth. It’s a myth that can cause disappointment, frustration, and a profound sense of inadequacy. Being aware of the dangers of all-or-nothing thinking will help you break free from its grip.

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Ways To Overcome Perfectionism

The following suggestions may help you overcome perfectionism:

Identifying Your Inner Critic

If you want to overcome perfectionism, it’s critical to identify the inner voice that fuels your perfectionism. This voice, also known as your “inner critic,” is a persistent and powerful force that can influence your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

To break free from its grip, you must first be aware of it and confront your inner critic.

Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences and interactions. When are you most self-critical? Is it when you’re confronted with a difficult task or when you compare yourself to others?

Consider the tone and language of your inner voice. Is it harsh and condemning or gentle and encouraging? What specific phrases or words reverberate in your mind, fueling your self-doubt and anxiety?

The following questions may also help:

What are the underlying fears and beliefs that motivate my inner critic?
Is it a fear of failing, being rejected, or not being good enough?
Is it a belief that I need to be perfect to be worthy or loved?

When you make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up over it, try speaking to yourself in a gentle, supportive tone. For example, “I messed up, but that’s okay. I’ll learn from it and move forward.” Or, “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s something to be proud of.”

Creating a kinder inner dialogue is an important step towards overcoming self-criticism. It is about learning to speak to yourself with compassion, understanding, and patience. You can be your own trusted friend who is always available to offer words of comfort, reassurance, and motivation.

That is what your inner dialogue can become with a little practice and effort.

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Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

The weight of unreasonable expectations can be crushing. It’s similar to trying to hold water in your hands: the harder you squeeze, the faster it slips through your fingers.

When perfectionistic ideals restrict you, every accomplishment, no matter how impressive, becomes clouded by the persistent feeling that it is insufficient.

You’re trapped in a never-ending cycle of self-doubt, with the pursuit of perfection becoming an all-consuming obsession. It’s exhausting and preventing you from progressing.

Unrealistic expectations are like rose-tinted glasses, distorting your perception of reality. They make you believe that everyone else’s life is perfect while you are stuck in mediocrity. Nobody is perfect.

Behind the highlight reels of social media, everyone is looking for their own definition of “good enough.” It is time to let go of the idea that perfection is attainable and welcome the beauty of imperfection.

When you let go of unrealistic expectations, you are liberating yourself from the suffocating grip of self-criticism, rather than settling for mediocrity. You realise that progress, not perfection, is the ultimate goal. It’s a radical shift in mindset that allows you to focus on the journey rather than the destination.

So, take a deep breath and let go of your desire to be perfect. You’ll be surprised at how liberating it is to accept your flaws and celebrate your progress, no matter how minor it may appear.

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Focus On Progress, Not Perfection

Focusing on progress, not perfection, entails adopting a mindset that prioritises momentum over flawlessness. It’s about understanding that the pursuit of perfection is an endless, exhausting cycle that can lead to paralysis, whereas progress is a continuous journey of growth and improvement.

For example, you celebrate small victories, no matter how insignificant they appear. You recognise the small steps you take towards your goals and use them as motivation to continue moving forward. When you make a mistake, you’re kind to yourself, and you don’t let fear of failure prevent you from moving forward.

The sense of pride and confidence that comes from acknowledging your small victories will begin to erode the self-criticism that has held you back for so long. You’ll realise that each step forward, no matter how small, shows resilience and determination.

As you move forward, remember that setbacks are inevitable, but they don’t define your worth. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you stumble; instead, gently nudge yourself back on track. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small they may seem, and use them as fuel to guide yourself towards achieving your goals.

Ways to overcome perfectionism are linked to stopping self-criticism and learning the habit of having a kinder inner voice. You must adopt a mindset of making progress and learning from your mistakes instead of focusing on failures.