How To Deal With A Partner With Anger Issues

Emily | Posted on April 24, 2022 |

How to deal with a partner’s anger issues can be exhausting and demoralising. While we have gotten pretty good at dealing with physical abuse as a society—we go to the police, seek counselling, or look for support groups—it is not always easy to deal with verbal abuse.

Although a partner with anger issues often engages in verbal abuse, it is still something of a taboo subject, and yet it’s just as devastating. The harm is the same in an abusive relationship, whether your partner hits, yells, throws things, or insults you. This post sheds some light on this difficult topic.

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Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse is harder to spot than physical abuse, as there are no bruises to show when someone insults or belittles you. And because it can be subtle and insidious, it can go on for years before the victim realises it.

Even though verbal abuse can cause as much damage as physical abuse, it is difficult to know when a relationship is verbally abusive. The term “verbal abuse” applies to many different types of behaviour.

Verbal abuse occurs when someone uses words and body language to criticise another person. It can range from yelling and name-calling to more subtle tactics like manipulation, threats, and refusal to be pleased. This abuse can even be indirect; sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness are examples of non-direct verbal abuse.

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Can Someone With Anger Issues Change?

It’s difficult to accept that someone who claims to love you can treat you in such a disrespectful manner, but that’s what happens in many verbally abusive relationships. Abusers are skilled at gradually weakening their victims; it’s an integral part of their tactics. Important things to remember are:

You cannot force someone to change if they are unwilling to do so.
You can’t control what they say or do.
You can only control yourself, your actions and your reactions.
Acknowledging the problem is a sign of strength.
Verbal abuse is a form of domestic violence, and it isn’t acceptable behaviour in a relationship.
Trust your instincts but document the abuse; and
Seek help to leave the relationship if you are in danger.

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How Do You Love Someone With Anger Issues?

You may be wondering how you can survive or love someone in a verbally abusive relationship. How do you stay with someone who keeps hurting you? Why would you want to stay if your partner repeatedly uses hurtful words?

Verbal abuse hurts and can seriously damage your self-esteem.

It will not only rob you of peace, joy, and happiness, but it will also negatively affect your health. However, staying in an abusive relationship is often not a choice.

If you’re in a physically abusive relationship, you can take clear steps (get out, get help). However, verbal abuse often leaves you trapped, negatively impacting your self-esteem.

If someone is harassing you at work or school, there are usually formal ways to stop it. You can go to the dean, human resources department, or police. But if someone is harassing you outside those contexts, it’s harder to know what to do. Often the best way is to detach from the situation.

How To Deal With A Partner With Anger Issues: Emotional Detachment

One of the most challenging aspects of handling an angry person is remaining emotionally detached. Being emotionally detached is an act of self-compassion. Most people find the process difficult, if not impossible, but it is all about mindset. With a bit of practice and education, you can learn to do this.

Emotional detachment protects you from someone’s behaviour by separating your emotions from what they say or do. It’s important to understand that you are not trying to ignore or deny the other person’s feelings or desires; instead, you are trying not to let their words and actions affect how you feel about yourself.

For example, it’s tempting to get upset and take it personally if your partner says something hurtful during a disagreement. Your anger will increase if you start to feel emotionally invested in the circumstance. However, if you remain emotionally detached in this situation, the hurtful comment will be much easier to handle since it will have less impact on your self-esteem.

As a result, you won’t be tempted to “get back at them” by saying something hurtful yourself, which can turn into an endless cycle of anger and retaliation.

When someone yells at you, try this quick exercise to practice emotional detachment:

Take a few deep breaths first. This approach will help you relax and avoid an impulsive reaction. Consider each breath to be a wave that washes over you, removing stress and bringing calm.
Next, remind yourself that the other person’s anger is about their feelings, perceptions, and reactions, not yours. This technique can assist you in emotionally detaching from the situation.
Then, rather than reacting, try to respond. Instead of getting caught up in the moment, take a minute to consider what you want to say. Such an approach can help you communicate more effectively and prevent the situation from escalating.
Become mindful. Stay in the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This approach can help you stay focused and less susceptible to the other person’s rage.

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Frequently Asked Questions About How To Deal With A Partner With Anger Issues

Can anger issues ruin a relationship?

Yes, anger issues can have a negative impact on relationships. The following is a summary of the reasons:

Anger can result in negative communication patterns such as yelling or blaming, which can create a barrier to healthy conversations.

Fear and avoidance: If one partner is consistently angry, the other may begin to fear them or avoid interaction, resulting in relationship distance.

Emotional and physical health: Chronic rage can cause stress, anxiety, and other health problems, which can have an indirect impact on the relationship.

Frequent anger can erode trust and feelings of security in a relationship, making it difficult for it to thrive.

It is important to note, however, that anger is a normal human emotion. Poor management or excessive frequency or intensity of anger can turn it into a problem. Seeking professional help, such as therapy or anger management classes, can be beneficial if anger issues are affecting a relationship.

How do you deal with a short-tempered partner?

Dealing with a quick-tempered partner can be difficult, but there are strategies that can help. Staying calm is one of the most important things to remember. Keeping your cool can help to defuse your partner’s rage and prevent the situation from escalating. It is critical to respond to their rage rather than react to it.

Another critical factor is effective communication. Express your emotions in a non-confrontational manner. Using “I” statements rather than blaming or criticising them can help you communicate how their anger makes you feel. Instead of saying, “You always yell at me,” say, “I get upset when you raise your voice.”

Setting boundaries is also essential. It is critical to establish what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. Clarify it that you will not tolerate disrespectful behaviour and stand firm on your boundaries. If your partner’s temper continues to cause problems, suggest that they seek professional help, such as therapy or an anger management program.

Don’t forget to look after yourself. Living with a short-tempered partner can be stressful, so you must take care of your mental and physical health. Such care could include activities like exercise, meditation, or spending time with friends that help you relax and reduce stress. Everyone in a relationship is entitled to feel safe and respected. If your partner’s rage becomes abusive, you must seek help immediately.

Can someone with a violent temper change?

A person with a bad temper can change, but it takes time and effort. Understanding that anger is a normal and healthy emotion is crucial, but improper handling can turn it into a problem. With the right tools and techniques, change is possible. Typically, the process requires acquiring new ways to deal with anger and frustration.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) has been shown to be especially effective in helping people understand what causes their anger and develop healthier responses. Self-help techniques such as relaxation and mindfulness can also be beneficial.

Change, on the other hand, necessitates dedication and effort. It is not enough for the person to simply want to change; they must also be willing to put in the effort to make it happen. This step frequently entails acknowledging the negative impact of their temper on themselves and others, as well as accepting responsibility for their actions.

Even if someone learns to manage their temper more effectively, they may still experience angry feelings on occasion. The key is how they deal with these emotions. In some cases, professional assistance may be required, particularly if the person’s temper leads to aggressive or violent behaviour. In such cases, it is critical to seek advice from a mental health professional or qualified counsellor.

In my book, Living with a partner with anger issues, I teach you some coping strategies to detach from an angry partner’s behaviour as an act of self-compassion if you cannot leave the relationship.

Living With A Partner With Anger Issues: The Art Of Self-Compassion

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You love them to pieces, but they're not a good fit. They're too angry and verbally abusive. You're caught between a rock and a hard place, but you cannot leave the relationship.

One of the most common reasons people decide to stay in a verbally abusive relationship is because they are afraid of the pain that leaving might bring. They also fear the unknown and want to protect themselves and their family from potential hurt and financial suffering.

Do you want to regain control of your life and get back on the right track despite being in such a relationship?

If you've lived with an anger-addicted person for a while, this book is for you. The book will help you learn to detach from this relationship and find your inner peace with some mindset techniques. It's about surviving and detaching from this type of relationship without emotion-scarring you or your loved ones.

How to deal with a partner with anger issues can be a challenging task, and it is important to acknowledge the impact of verbal abuse on you. However, with the right support and resources, it is possible to improve the situation.